Hell Week...

Well, I guess things are coming together in my life. This has probably been the most stressful week yet. I know that I am building my new life with my kids, but it is so hard doing it all alone.

And I am really feeling alone lately. Sometimes I wish I had someone special in my life, some constant, to be there by my side, someone I could depend on and know they would be there for me.

Don't get me wrong, I have Jeffrey and he is a wonderful friend, but sometimes a person just needs more. I miss being in a close, committed relationship - sometimes anyway. :-)

I am glad, though, that my previous life is now behind me.

There is just something about connecting with someone at the end of the day, sitting together, close, talking, laughing, unwinding. There doesn't have to be anything more, but just knowing that someone is there for you, that you can rely on that one person, makes all the difference.

I suppose that will come eventually, though. And I am patient. It just stinks having to go through this stressful time all by myself. I am feeling really alone lately and I know it is because of everything that has happened over the past six months. My life has so dramatically changed and I am literally reeling.

It isn't so bad being on my own, though. I get along with myself. I have always been the "strong one" and can certainly take care of myself and anyone else who comes along.

But sometimes I think how nice it would be to not have to be so strong, to have someone to rely on who will be there for me, let me hide in their arms and take shelter in their heart. That is what I have always wanted and what has always been elusive to me.

Maybe I am not meant to have something like that, I honestly do not know. I have felt for most of my life that I was supposed to be alone. People tend to look to me for strength, not to cherish or protect. As an introvert, I believe that is part of our nature - standing alone and being the "strong one."

What I do know is that the only person you can truly depend on is yourself. Sometimes I would just like a partner...