Tom Stoppard said that every exit is an entry somewhere else. As I enter my new life, my new world, I have had time to reflect on what I am exiting. I am leaving behind certain people and things in my life who would have held me back, been overly critical and lacked the dreaming, ambition and hope that has gotten me to this point. I have grown while others in my life did not. That is just a fact of life that, and while I do not celebrate it, I do not regret it either.
Last night the kids and I spent our first night in our new home. We are so excited about it! It is a beautiful little townhouse in a community that is a little more upscale. It is located in the wealthiest county in the state which means top notch schools, reduced crime rate and just a much nicer place to live. It also means I pay a little more, but it is worth it. Plus, I can afford it. :-) Even without the child support that I haven't seen a dime of in who knows how long, I can still afford it.
Best of all, I am doing this ON MY OWN. I don't have to depend on some man to support me, to pay my bills, to keep my head above water. I am doing it on my own, supporting my children and building our life here. I admit, it is a little scary sometimes; that is an awful lot of responsibility, but I know that I can do it. I have faith in myself and I have faith that God will direct my life in the best way for me and the best way that serves Him.
Plus, I have awesome friends who will always be there to help me if I ever get in a bind.
So, this weekend will be very busy, what with setting up our new home and doing fun stuff with the kids. We are going to see a movie this weekend with some friends and have some dinner. I have wonderful friends who are very dear to me. I would be lost without them.
Maybe some time next week I will post photos of our new place...
Friday, August 22, 2008
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Hell Week...
Well, I guess things are coming together in my life. This has probably been the most stressful week yet. I know that I am building my new life with my kids, but it is so hard doing it all alone.
And I am really feeling alone lately. Sometimes I wish I had someone special in my life, some constant, to be there by my side, someone I could depend on and know they would be there for me.
Don't get me wrong, I have Jeffrey and he is a wonderful friend, but sometimes a person just needs more. I miss being in a close, committed relationship - sometimes anyway. :-)
I am glad, though, that my previous life is now behind me.
There is just something about connecting with someone at the end of the day, sitting together, close, talking, laughing, unwinding. There doesn't have to be anything more, but just knowing that someone is there for you, that you can rely on that one person, makes all the difference.
I suppose that will come eventually, though. And I am patient. It just stinks having to go through this stressful time all by myself. I am feeling really alone lately and I know it is because of everything that has happened over the past six months. My life has so dramatically changed and I am literally reeling.
It isn't so bad being on my own, though. I get along with myself. I have always been the "strong one" and can certainly take care of myself and anyone else who comes along.
But sometimes I think how nice it would be to not have to be so strong, to have someone to rely on who will be there for me, let me hide in their arms and take shelter in their heart. That is what I have always wanted and what has always been elusive to me.
Maybe I am not meant to have something like that, I honestly do not know. I have felt for most of my life that I was supposed to be alone. People tend to look to me for strength, not to cherish or protect. As an introvert, I believe that is part of our nature - standing alone and being the "strong one."
What I do know is that the only person you can truly depend on is yourself. Sometimes I would just like a partner...
And I am really feeling alone lately. Sometimes I wish I had someone special in my life, some constant, to be there by my side, someone I could depend on and know they would be there for me.
Don't get me wrong, I have Jeffrey and he is a wonderful friend, but sometimes a person just needs more. I miss being in a close, committed relationship - sometimes anyway. :-)
I am glad, though, that my previous life is now behind me.
There is just something about connecting with someone at the end of the day, sitting together, close, talking, laughing, unwinding. There doesn't have to be anything more, but just knowing that someone is there for you, that you can rely on that one person, makes all the difference.
I suppose that will come eventually, though. And I am patient. It just stinks having to go through this stressful time all by myself. I am feeling really alone lately and I know it is because of everything that has happened over the past six months. My life has so dramatically changed and I am literally reeling.
It isn't so bad being on my own, though. I get along with myself. I have always been the "strong one" and can certainly take care of myself and anyone else who comes along.
But sometimes I think how nice it would be to not have to be so strong, to have someone to rely on who will be there for me, let me hide in their arms and take shelter in their heart. That is what I have always wanted and what has always been elusive to me.
Maybe I am not meant to have something like that, I honestly do not know. I have felt for most of my life that I was supposed to be alone. People tend to look to me for strength, not to cherish or protect. As an introvert, I believe that is part of our nature - standing alone and being the "strong one."
What I do know is that the only person you can truly depend on is yourself. Sometimes I would just like a partner...
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Shipping a Cat...
OK, yeah, I am apartment hunting right now, start my new job on the 25th. I am really excited. This is the beginning of my new life!
So, many of my things are with my ex in Arizona and I am trying to get them up here. My car, some furniture, my books and other possessions are there with him and he is getting them together so that I can arrange to have them shipped up here.
My kids are coming up next week as well, but one important family member, my daughter's cat Osiris, is presenting a bit of a challenge.
The airline that my kids are flying up on does not take pets (unless we can pass Osiris off as a seeing eye cat -- somehow I don't think that they would buy that). I thought I would check out a pet transportation service to see if that option was doable.
NOT!
I called the place and this well spoken lady with a faint English accent answered the phone. The conversation went something like this:
Lady - Hello?
Me - Yes, I need to have my cat transported from Phoenix, AZ to Washington, DC.
Lady - OK, when do you want him to come up there?
Me - Around August 18
Lady - Oh, that is not possible
Me - Oh, OK, thank you
Lady - (talking to someone else) Oh, we can do it on the 18th
Me - Great! What do I need to do?
(crazy) Lady - Well, in order for me to give you a quote, you need to pay $12
Me (thinking) - You're kidding, right? I mean, what kind of company does this? Makes you pay to get a quote to give them business? (I should have caught a clue right there)
(psycho)Lady - But I can tell you that it will cost at least $1500 to have the cat transported to you (does using the word "transport" as opposed to "shipped" increase the price? Yikes!)
Me - How much? (knocked the wind out of me)
(Manson Family Level Psycho)Lady - $1500. If you need us to supply a carrier the price increases. (Just what do you suppose the carriers are made of? I was afraid to ask, scared they would charge me for that question too!)
Me - You do know that it is just a cat??
(Delusional Psycho) Lady - Yes
Me - It's not even a purebred cat!
(Nuttier than a Fruitcake) Lady - (cool as a cucumber) Yes
Me - Uh, thank you, but I am still looking around.
I could not get off the phone fast enough! I mean, it costs more to ship the cat up here than it does to ship my car! And my car is actually functional! But I can't disappoint my daughter, she would be heartbroken without her cat. So I pressed on.
I began calling airlines. One problem: the airlines will not ship live cargo if the temperature is above 85 degrees. Well, Phoenix is hitting 100 plus right now.
Great.
So after many calls, I find myself talking to an enthusiastic gentleman at Delta who tells me that if I can get a "certificate of acclimation" from a veternarian, then I can ship the cat as live cargo through the airline.
So, I call my ex and give him the joyous news that he will have to take the cat to the vet (I will pay the bill-he is always broke). He was less than thrilled, but I think that his desire to have the cat gone far surpassed his irritation at the inconvenience. He agreed.
So, now I have a vet bill and the cost just to ship the cat is greater than an airline ticket for one of the kids. If I have to get another carrier it will be more.
WOW
I keep telling myself to keep my eye on the prize - my new life, new home, new job, new friends and so much more...
Everything really is going my way, I have never been happier than I am right now. I have some very, very special people in my life and am experiencing things I have never experienced in my life - acceptance. I can't tell you how wonderful that feels.
So, I will press on, making arrangements for the cat. It is worth the hassle. Maybe the pet transport and airlines see something that I have missed. Maybe there is more to this cat than meets the eye...
So, many of my things are with my ex in Arizona and I am trying to get them up here. My car, some furniture, my books and other possessions are there with him and he is getting them together so that I can arrange to have them shipped up here.
My kids are coming up next week as well, but one important family member, my daughter's cat Osiris, is presenting a bit of a challenge.
The airline that my kids are flying up on does not take pets (unless we can pass Osiris off as a seeing eye cat -- somehow I don't think that they would buy that). I thought I would check out a pet transportation service to see if that option was doable.
NOT!
I called the place and this well spoken lady with a faint English accent answered the phone. The conversation went something like this:
Lady - Hello?
Me - Yes, I need to have my cat transported from Phoenix, AZ to Washington, DC.
Lady - OK, when do you want him to come up there?
Me - Around August 18
Lady - Oh, that is not possible
Me - Oh, OK, thank you
Lady - (talking to someone else) Oh, we can do it on the 18th
Me - Great! What do I need to do?
(crazy) Lady - Well, in order for me to give you a quote, you need to pay $12
Me (thinking) - You're kidding, right? I mean, what kind of company does this? Makes you pay to get a quote to give them business? (I should have caught a clue right there)
(psycho)Lady - But I can tell you that it will cost at least $1500 to have the cat transported to you (does using the word "transport" as opposed to "shipped" increase the price? Yikes!)
Me - How much? (knocked the wind out of me)
(Manson Family Level Psycho)Lady - $1500. If you need us to supply a carrier the price increases. (Just what do you suppose the carriers are made of? I was afraid to ask, scared they would charge me for that question too!)
Me - You do know that it is just a cat??
(Delusional Psycho) Lady - Yes
Me - It's not even a purebred cat!
(Nuttier than a Fruitcake) Lady - (cool as a cucumber) Yes
Me - Uh, thank you, but I am still looking around.
I could not get off the phone fast enough! I mean, it costs more to ship the cat up here than it does to ship my car! And my car is actually functional! But I can't disappoint my daughter, she would be heartbroken without her cat. So I pressed on.
I began calling airlines. One problem: the airlines will not ship live cargo if the temperature is above 85 degrees. Well, Phoenix is hitting 100 plus right now.
Great.
So after many calls, I find myself talking to an enthusiastic gentleman at Delta who tells me that if I can get a "certificate of acclimation" from a veternarian, then I can ship the cat as live cargo through the airline.
So, I call my ex and give him the joyous news that he will have to take the cat to the vet (I will pay the bill-he is always broke). He was less than thrilled, but I think that his desire to have the cat gone far surpassed his irritation at the inconvenience. He agreed.
So, now I have a vet bill and the cost just to ship the cat is greater than an airline ticket for one of the kids. If I have to get another carrier it will be more.
WOW
I keep telling myself to keep my eye on the prize - my new life, new home, new job, new friends and so much more...
Everything really is going my way, I have never been happier than I am right now. I have some very, very special people in my life and am experiencing things I have never experienced in my life - acceptance. I can't tell you how wonderful that feels.
So, I will press on, making arrangements for the cat. It is worth the hassle. Maybe the pet transport and airlines see something that I have missed. Maybe there is more to this cat than meets the eye...
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
