Well, I guess things are coming together in my life. This has probably been the most stressful week yet. I know that I am building my new life with my kids, but it is so hard doing it all alone.
And I am really feeling alone lately. Sometimes I wish I had someone special in my life, some constant, to be there by my side, someone I could depend on and know they would be there for me.
Don't get me wrong, I have Jeffrey and he is a wonderful friend, but sometimes a person just needs more. I miss being in a close, committed relationship - sometimes anyway. :-)
I am glad, though, that my previous life is now behind me.
There is just something about connecting with someone at the end of the day, sitting together, close, talking, laughing, unwinding. There doesn't have to be anything more, but just knowing that someone is there for you, that you can rely on that one person, makes all the difference.
I suppose that will come eventually, though. And I am patient. It just stinks having to go through this stressful time all by myself. I am feeling really alone lately and I know it is because of everything that has happened over the past six months. My life has so dramatically changed and I am literally reeling.
It isn't so bad being on my own, though. I get along with myself. I have always been the "strong one" and can certainly take care of myself and anyone else who comes along.
But sometimes I think how nice it would be to not have to be so strong, to have someone to rely on who will be there for me, let me hide in their arms and take shelter in their heart. That is what I have always wanted and what has always been elusive to me.
Maybe I am not meant to have something like that, I honestly do not know. I have felt for most of my life that I was supposed to be alone. People tend to look to me for strength, not to cherish or protect. As an introvert, I believe that is part of our nature - standing alone and being the "strong one."
What I do know is that the only person you can truly depend on is yourself. Sometimes I would just like a partner...
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Shipping a Cat...
OK, yeah, I am apartment hunting right now, start my new job on the 25th. I am really excited. This is the beginning of my new life!
So, many of my things are with my ex in Arizona and I am trying to get them up here. My car, some furniture, my books and other possessions are there with him and he is getting them together so that I can arrange to have them shipped up here.
My kids are coming up next week as well, but one important family member, my daughter's cat Osiris, is presenting a bit of a challenge.
The airline that my kids are flying up on does not take pets (unless we can pass Osiris off as a seeing eye cat -- somehow I don't think that they would buy that). I thought I would check out a pet transportation service to see if that option was doable.
NOT!
I called the place and this well spoken lady with a faint English accent answered the phone. The conversation went something like this:
Lady - Hello?
Me - Yes, I need to have my cat transported from Phoenix, AZ to Washington, DC.
Lady - OK, when do you want him to come up there?
Me - Around August 18
Lady - Oh, that is not possible
Me - Oh, OK, thank you
Lady - (talking to someone else) Oh, we can do it on the 18th
Me - Great! What do I need to do?
(crazy) Lady - Well, in order for me to give you a quote, you need to pay $12
Me (thinking) - You're kidding, right? I mean, what kind of company does this? Makes you pay to get a quote to give them business? (I should have caught a clue right there)
(psycho)Lady - But I can tell you that it will cost at least $1500 to have the cat transported to you (does using the word "transport" as opposed to "shipped" increase the price? Yikes!)
Me - How much? (knocked the wind out of me)
(Manson Family Level Psycho)Lady - $1500. If you need us to supply a carrier the price increases. (Just what do you suppose the carriers are made of? I was afraid to ask, scared they would charge me for that question too!)
Me - You do know that it is just a cat??
(Delusional Psycho) Lady - Yes
Me - It's not even a purebred cat!
(Nuttier than a Fruitcake) Lady - (cool as a cucumber) Yes
Me - Uh, thank you, but I am still looking around.
I could not get off the phone fast enough! I mean, it costs more to ship the cat up here than it does to ship my car! And my car is actually functional! But I can't disappoint my daughter, she would be heartbroken without her cat. So I pressed on.
I began calling airlines. One problem: the airlines will not ship live cargo if the temperature is above 85 degrees. Well, Phoenix is hitting 100 plus right now.
Great.
So after many calls, I find myself talking to an enthusiastic gentleman at Delta who tells me that if I can get a "certificate of acclimation" from a veternarian, then I can ship the cat as live cargo through the airline.
So, I call my ex and give him the joyous news that he will have to take the cat to the vet (I will pay the bill-he is always broke). He was less than thrilled, but I think that his desire to have the cat gone far surpassed his irritation at the inconvenience. He agreed.
So, now I have a vet bill and the cost just to ship the cat is greater than an airline ticket for one of the kids. If I have to get another carrier it will be more.
WOW
I keep telling myself to keep my eye on the prize - my new life, new home, new job, new friends and so much more...
Everything really is going my way, I have never been happier than I am right now. I have some very, very special people in my life and am experiencing things I have never experienced in my life - acceptance. I can't tell you how wonderful that feels.
So, I will press on, making arrangements for the cat. It is worth the hassle. Maybe the pet transport and airlines see something that I have missed. Maybe there is more to this cat than meets the eye...
So, many of my things are with my ex in Arizona and I am trying to get them up here. My car, some furniture, my books and other possessions are there with him and he is getting them together so that I can arrange to have them shipped up here.
My kids are coming up next week as well, but one important family member, my daughter's cat Osiris, is presenting a bit of a challenge.
The airline that my kids are flying up on does not take pets (unless we can pass Osiris off as a seeing eye cat -- somehow I don't think that they would buy that). I thought I would check out a pet transportation service to see if that option was doable.
NOT!
I called the place and this well spoken lady with a faint English accent answered the phone. The conversation went something like this:
Lady - Hello?
Me - Yes, I need to have my cat transported from Phoenix, AZ to Washington, DC.
Lady - OK, when do you want him to come up there?
Me - Around August 18
Lady - Oh, that is not possible
Me - Oh, OK, thank you
Lady - (talking to someone else) Oh, we can do it on the 18th
Me - Great! What do I need to do?
(crazy) Lady - Well, in order for me to give you a quote, you need to pay $12
Me (thinking) - You're kidding, right? I mean, what kind of company does this? Makes you pay to get a quote to give them business? (I should have caught a clue right there)
(psycho)Lady - But I can tell you that it will cost at least $1500 to have the cat transported to you (does using the word "transport" as opposed to "shipped" increase the price? Yikes!)
Me - How much? (knocked the wind out of me)
(Manson Family Level Psycho)Lady - $1500. If you need us to supply a carrier the price increases. (Just what do you suppose the carriers are made of? I was afraid to ask, scared they would charge me for that question too!)
Me - You do know that it is just a cat??
(Delusional Psycho) Lady - Yes
Me - It's not even a purebred cat!
(Nuttier than a Fruitcake) Lady - (cool as a cucumber) Yes
Me - Uh, thank you, but I am still looking around.
I could not get off the phone fast enough! I mean, it costs more to ship the cat up here than it does to ship my car! And my car is actually functional! But I can't disappoint my daughter, she would be heartbroken without her cat. So I pressed on.
I began calling airlines. One problem: the airlines will not ship live cargo if the temperature is above 85 degrees. Well, Phoenix is hitting 100 plus right now.
Great.
So after many calls, I find myself talking to an enthusiastic gentleman at Delta who tells me that if I can get a "certificate of acclimation" from a veternarian, then I can ship the cat as live cargo through the airline.
So, I call my ex and give him the joyous news that he will have to take the cat to the vet (I will pay the bill-he is always broke). He was less than thrilled, but I think that his desire to have the cat gone far surpassed his irritation at the inconvenience. He agreed.
So, now I have a vet bill and the cost just to ship the cat is greater than an airline ticket for one of the kids. If I have to get another carrier it will be more.
WOW
I keep telling myself to keep my eye on the prize - my new life, new home, new job, new friends and so much more...
Everything really is going my way, I have never been happier than I am right now. I have some very, very special people in my life and am experiencing things I have never experienced in my life - acceptance. I can't tell you how wonderful that feels.
So, I will press on, making arrangements for the cat. It is worth the hassle. Maybe the pet transport and airlines see something that I have missed. Maybe there is more to this cat than meets the eye...
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
Metro Monday
So, yeah, Metro was HELL this morning!
It started out, OK, I stepped out onto the street and into the Washington sauna bright and early. I was right on schedule. I stopped long enough to plug into my MP3 and I was off. It is only 4 blocks or so to the Metro station from where I am staying so it was a rather quick walk.
I was warm, but it wasn’t too bad. I was listening to a little Korn to get my day started. I hit all the Walk signs and breezed right through, Life was good.
Then I got to the Q Street entrance of the Dupont Circle Metro.
All I can say is W-O-W.
The escalator was out. Not good.
If you have ever been to the Q Street Station, you know that the escalator there is something in the neighborhood of 5,000 miles long. Well, maybe not that long, but it is pretty long and very steep. Now, something I have not yet revealed to you is that I am acrophobic. VERY acrophobic. This means that when I am confronted with heights, I get dizzy and almost paralyzed with fear.
But down I went into the bowels of the city, one tentative step at a time.
At this point you may be asking why I did not simply take the elevator down.
Just shut up, OK? I don’t want to talk about it! (Actually, it did not occur to me until I was halfway down the stalled escalator and had to stop because I had a tremendous wave of dizziness.)
I survived, though, and made it to the bottom without falling or passing out (Score!).
My ride to the Gallery Place station was uneventful, but, man, once I got on the Yellow Line, the story changed. The Yellow Line was having major issues this morning and we sat at the GP station for what seemed eons although I am sure it was only 10 – 15 minutes or so.
I finally made it to L’Enfant Plaza, somewhat warmer, a little wilted and running late. Terrific. So, I go to the gates and wouldn’t you know, my SmartCard refused to work. The nice attendant checked it for me, told me it was good, the gate just didn’t open. He let me through the little gate. I felt so special.
As I approached the escalator to ascend to the street I noticed that there were more “over achiever power climbers” on the escalators than usual. As I got closer I realized that the up escalators were out.
You’re kidding me, right?
And there I stood; a dilemma before me…
Do I climb the 80 gazillion stairs to escape the Metro Station and get to work? Or do I locate the elevator, dodge cars to get across the street and get to work?
Oh! The choices!
Forget it. Not climbing the stairs; not that proud. Elevator it is. So, I wandered around down there, looking for the elevator. I found it (just followed the crowd) and squeezed onto the tiny, hot, airless car along with at least 10 of my now closest friends (we were real up close and personal!).
I hit the street, made it across (yea!) and got to work just a couple of minutes late. I was hot, sweaty, tired and almost crabby, but the cute security guard flirted with me and said I looked nice today, then a lady on the elevator complimented my blouse and said I always wore the prettiest clothes. When I got to my desk, my friend was there and I was able to give her a couple of blouses. She was very happy to get them and that made me feel good.
Now it is a little after 9 am and I am going for my morning coffee in a little under an hour.
Life is good.
It’s gonna be a great day!
It started out, OK, I stepped out onto the street and into the Washington sauna bright and early. I was right on schedule. I stopped long enough to plug into my MP3 and I was off. It is only 4 blocks or so to the Metro station from where I am staying so it was a rather quick walk.
I was warm, but it wasn’t too bad. I was listening to a little Korn to get my day started. I hit all the Walk signs and breezed right through, Life was good.
Then I got to the Q Street entrance of the Dupont Circle Metro.
All I can say is W-O-W.
The escalator was out. Not good.
If you have ever been to the Q Street Station, you know that the escalator there is something in the neighborhood of 5,000 miles long. Well, maybe not that long, but it is pretty long and very steep. Now, something I have not yet revealed to you is that I am acrophobic. VERY acrophobic. This means that when I am confronted with heights, I get dizzy and almost paralyzed with fear.
But down I went into the bowels of the city, one tentative step at a time.
At this point you may be asking why I did not simply take the elevator down.
Just shut up, OK? I don’t want to talk about it! (Actually, it did not occur to me until I was halfway down the stalled escalator and had to stop because I had a tremendous wave of dizziness.)
I survived, though, and made it to the bottom without falling or passing out (Score!).
My ride to the Gallery Place station was uneventful, but, man, once I got on the Yellow Line, the story changed. The Yellow Line was having major issues this morning and we sat at the GP station for what seemed eons although I am sure it was only 10 – 15 minutes or so.
I finally made it to L’Enfant Plaza, somewhat warmer, a little wilted and running late. Terrific. So, I go to the gates and wouldn’t you know, my SmartCard refused to work. The nice attendant checked it for me, told me it was good, the gate just didn’t open. He let me through the little gate. I felt so special.
As I approached the escalator to ascend to the street I noticed that there were more “over achiever power climbers” on the escalators than usual. As I got closer I realized that the up escalators were out.
You’re kidding me, right?
And there I stood; a dilemma before me…
Do I climb the 80 gazillion stairs to escape the Metro Station and get to work? Or do I locate the elevator, dodge cars to get across the street and get to work?
Oh! The choices!
Forget it. Not climbing the stairs; not that proud. Elevator it is. So, I wandered around down there, looking for the elevator. I found it (just followed the crowd) and squeezed onto the tiny, hot, airless car along with at least 10 of my now closest friends (we were real up close and personal!).
I hit the street, made it across (yea!) and got to work just a couple of minutes late. I was hot, sweaty, tired and almost crabby, but the cute security guard flirted with me and said I looked nice today, then a lady on the elevator complimented my blouse and said I always wore the prettiest clothes. When I got to my desk, my friend was there and I was able to give her a couple of blouses. She was very happy to get them and that made me feel good.
Now it is a little after 9 am and I am going for my morning coffee in a little under an hour.
Life is good.
It’s gonna be a great day!
Friday, July 18, 2008
Looking to the Weekend...
It is finally Friday!
I am looking forward to the weekend, need to rest and recharge.
As I move through this personal journey upon which I have embarked, I am noticing things about the people who have been in my life.
Some of them are extremely unhealthy! I don't mean physically unhealthy, I mean emotionally and mentally unhealthy. Some have serious issues.
It seems that the healthier I get, the more glaring their unhealthiness is to me. It is a shock that I did not see it before, but I guess I had to get myself healthy and level before I could see others for what they are.
I am not just talking about romantic relationships, I mean many people in my life. Although, I will say that some of the people with whom I was romantically linked were and are not very emotionally healthy and I can see patterns in their families as well. Why did I not see this before?
I am very happy, though, that I am now at a point in my life where I have recognized that things that I needed to change, made the changes and am SO MUCH better because of it.
Unfortunately, I must leave the sick people in my rearview mirror...
I am looking forward to the weekend, need to rest and recharge.
As I move through this personal journey upon which I have embarked, I am noticing things about the people who have been in my life.
Some of them are extremely unhealthy! I don't mean physically unhealthy, I mean emotionally and mentally unhealthy. Some have serious issues.
It seems that the healthier I get, the more glaring their unhealthiness is to me. It is a shock that I did not see it before, but I guess I had to get myself healthy and level before I could see others for what they are.
I am not just talking about romantic relationships, I mean many people in my life. Although, I will say that some of the people with whom I was romantically linked were and are not very emotionally healthy and I can see patterns in their families as well. Why did I not see this before?
I am very happy, though, that I am now at a point in my life where I have recognized that things that I needed to change, made the changes and am SO MUCH better because of it.
Unfortunately, I must leave the sick people in my rearview mirror...
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
My Latest Rant Regarding Insecure Males...
If you are easily offended (i.e. insecure and intimidated) you probably don't want to read beyond this sentence. Those of you who know me know that I tell it like it is and tend to be a rather strong personality. Those of you who really know me are shaking your heads, smiling and saying to yourselves, "Oh, boy, here she goes again."
Oh, and you secure males...enjoy. I am sure this will look familiar. You will probably recognize these guys in some of your buddies. Have a good laugh.
It seems that lately I am encountering more and more insecure men. What a headache! While I do know some men who are wonderfully secure and sure of themselves, I know many who are not.
Note to you guys out there…insecurity is SO not sexy! I realize that insecurity is a natural step in a child’s development, but, please, by the time a boy reaches adulthood he should be well past the insecure, one-upmanship, competitive, derisive, childish antics! Enough already!
The way I see it, when a man feels threatened by me because of his own insecurity, that is HIS problem. It is not my job to boost his fragile male ego and pump up his self esteem. I have three children I am raising; I don’t need another child on my hands. If this seems cold, try walking a mile in my shoes. As I said, I am fed up. I am one of the most supportive people you will ever meet, but when I come up against these boors I can quite easily turn away and turn off that nurturing, caring, supportive nature.
I regularly come up against insecure males who want to compete with me and (I guess) impress the incessant disclosure of their resumes.
I can tell you right now that not one of these men knows any of the experience and knowledge that I possess. They have not taken the time to find out and I am not so eager to reveal – particularly when they are on the verge of open warfare with me.
They aren’t worth my time anyway, though.
Truth be told, based on what these insecure little boys in big man bodies have told me, my experience and knowledge extends far, far beyond what they possess. Perhaps they realize this on some primal level and it scares the living hell out of them. Gasp! A WOMAN is smarter than they are! They may have to start letting girls in the boy’s club! The horror!
So while yet another obnoxious, insecure male, feeling obviously intimidated by me, stands before me, talking down to me, trying his damndest to engage me in a pissing contest, I have to stifle a chuckle, shake my head and almost pity the poor sap. He has no clue, no clue at all.
Haha, but I have these guys pegged! Pay attention, girls, this is useful stuff. The insecure male will come in, attempting to create conflict (start a fight), talking down to you and treating you as if you are devoid of intelligence and common sense. Now, maybe they are addicted to the adrenaline rush that is created by conflict, or perhaps their pre frontal cortex is underactive and conflict acts as a stimulus, whatever the case, they are looking for some sort of stimulation, they need it.
Don’t give it to them. If you don’t give them their fix, you can effectively take away their power and take control of the situation. FYI, this works for both sexes, but for the purpose of this rant, I am speaking of males.
Oh, and when you find a guy who is secure and not intimidated by you, value him, whether it is in the workplace, among your friends or in a romantic relationship. These guys are gems, you can talk to them. In other words, don’t carry your baggage with you. Don’t automatically assume that just because every other ya-hoo you have ever encountered is an insecure, immature head case. Give guys the benefit of the doubt. If they have “issues” it won’t be long and they will reveal them to you. Just know what you are looking for and make a wide berth around insecure males.
Stay ahead of the game, ladies.
It is great being a girl. But being a smart girl? It’s freakin’ awesome!
Oh, and you secure males...enjoy. I am sure this will look familiar. You will probably recognize these guys in some of your buddies. Have a good laugh.
It seems that lately I am encountering more and more insecure men. What a headache! While I do know some men who are wonderfully secure and sure of themselves, I know many who are not.
Note to you guys out there…insecurity is SO not sexy! I realize that insecurity is a natural step in a child’s development, but, please, by the time a boy reaches adulthood he should be well past the insecure, one-upmanship, competitive, derisive, childish antics! Enough already!
The way I see it, when a man feels threatened by me because of his own insecurity, that is HIS problem. It is not my job to boost his fragile male ego and pump up his self esteem. I have three children I am raising; I don’t need another child on my hands. If this seems cold, try walking a mile in my shoes. As I said, I am fed up. I am one of the most supportive people you will ever meet, but when I come up against these boors I can quite easily turn away and turn off that nurturing, caring, supportive nature.
I regularly come up against insecure males who want to compete with me and (I guess) impress the incessant disclosure of their resumes.
I can tell you right now that not one of these men knows any of the experience and knowledge that I possess. They have not taken the time to find out and I am not so eager to reveal – particularly when they are on the verge of open warfare with me.
They aren’t worth my time anyway, though.
Truth be told, based on what these insecure little boys in big man bodies have told me, my experience and knowledge extends far, far beyond what they possess. Perhaps they realize this on some primal level and it scares the living hell out of them. Gasp! A WOMAN is smarter than they are! They may have to start letting girls in the boy’s club! The horror!
So while yet another obnoxious, insecure male, feeling obviously intimidated by me, stands before me, talking down to me, trying his damndest to engage me in a pissing contest, I have to stifle a chuckle, shake my head and almost pity the poor sap. He has no clue, no clue at all.
Haha, but I have these guys pegged! Pay attention, girls, this is useful stuff. The insecure male will come in, attempting to create conflict (start a fight), talking down to you and treating you as if you are devoid of intelligence and common sense. Now, maybe they are addicted to the adrenaline rush that is created by conflict, or perhaps their pre frontal cortex is underactive and conflict acts as a stimulus, whatever the case, they are looking for some sort of stimulation, they need it.
Don’t give it to them. If you don’t give them their fix, you can effectively take away their power and take control of the situation. FYI, this works for both sexes, but for the purpose of this rant, I am speaking of males.
Oh, and when you find a guy who is secure and not intimidated by you, value him, whether it is in the workplace, among your friends or in a romantic relationship. These guys are gems, you can talk to them. In other words, don’t carry your baggage with you. Don’t automatically assume that just because every other ya-hoo you have ever encountered is an insecure, immature head case. Give guys the benefit of the doubt. If they have “issues” it won’t be long and they will reveal them to you. Just know what you are looking for and make a wide berth around insecure males.
Stay ahead of the game, ladies.
It is great being a girl. But being a smart girl? It’s freakin’ awesome!
Sunday, July 06, 2008
The Woman I See
I look in the mirror and the woman I see
Is far different now than once upon a time
Perhaps it's the eyes
or the mind behind them.
I trace the curve of my hip
And follow the fullness of my breats
With a feather light touch.
I am not a supermodel
But I am OK
Even beautiful, sensual.
The woman in the mirror has
Sparkling eyes, a sharp wit, a tender touch.
She is beyond all that you see
From a place where there is no flat chested,
No fat,
No ugly.
She is pure, completely untouched
By a world that tells her she isn't pretty enough,
Isn't thin enough,
Isn't busty enough.
I don't have to have a perfect, tiny body
To be beautiful.
I just embrace the woman in the mirror
And enjoy who she is,
The beauty she possesses
And the sensuality within her,
All that are waiting to be discovered...
Is far different now than once upon a time
Perhaps it's the eyes
or the mind behind them.
I trace the curve of my hip
And follow the fullness of my breats
With a feather light touch.
I am not a supermodel
But I am OK
Even beautiful, sensual.
The woman in the mirror has
Sparkling eyes, a sharp wit, a tender touch.
She is beyond all that you see
From a place where there is no flat chested,
No fat,
No ugly.
She is pure, completely untouched
By a world that tells her she isn't pretty enough,
Isn't thin enough,
Isn't busty enough.
I don't have to have a perfect, tiny body
To be beautiful.
I just embrace the woman in the mirror
And enjoy who she is,
The beauty she possesses
And the sensuality within her,
All that are waiting to be discovered...
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